Some of you, though, aren't six years old but plan to wear a costume anyway. Maybe your parents made you pray away the pagan holiday's sins each October 31st, or maybe you just think dressing up with your pals and/or total strangers is fun (it is). And maybe there will be alcohol and music involved. Whatever the reasons, you're going to need something to wear.
What should you be? You can't just be Psy again. Here's a handy collection of 2013 Halloween costume ideas, so you can get ready nice and early. Please note that your Sexy Sam the Record Man outfit probably won't resonate if you're partying in New York.
TORONTO PRIDE
Rob Ford with a crack pipe
Let's just get this one out of the way.
The Scarborough Subway
You dress up as a Subway that goes to Scarborough, but then you decide to stay home and watch Netflix.
Sexy Sam the Record Man sign
Google Image search it.
Flooded Go Train
I think I've figured this one out. You need a snuggie, and then you need to paint this snuggie like a Go Train. Then you draw little people inside the train with a sharpie. Then you pre party by wading waist deep into Lake Ontario.
A deadly cronut burger
This costume is probably a bad idea, but some people will do it.
Mayor Margaret Atwood
On Halloween, dreams can come true.
MUSIC
Godspeed You! Black Emperor
You wear all black, with a note safety-pinned to your shirt about how while you respect people who participate in Halloween for their tireless efforts to ease the sufferings of their loved ones by throwing parties, you can't condone a celebration of elaborate costumes and candy while so many people in the world have nothing to eat or wear.
Drake working at Shopper's Drug Mart
Start from the bottom on your perfect bashful smile, then buy a polo shirt and follow this Drake make-up tutorial.
The indie rock integrity debate
Half of you is wearing plaid, tight pants, some kind of folky hat, bangs, a beard, and half of a sad guitar. The other half is the same, but is more expensive looking.
David Bowie in one of his bazillion outfits on display now at the AGO
Extra credit for large groups of Bowies, super tight jumpsuit Bowies, and Pierrot Bowies. Don't be a basic Bowie or no one cool will talk to you.
The Weeknd
In your hoodie you look drugged out and sad because you're smart enough to know that you too are a victim of the patriarchy, but you're never conscious enough to figure out a way to change that.
CULTURE AND CURRENT EVENTS
The US Government shut down
Depending how long this shit show goes on, dress in solidarity with 800,000 US federal employees: in your pjs, on an unwanted vacation.
Wendy Davis
A microphone, a white suit, and thirteen hours of attitude.
Captain America's face on an iPad using Facetime
Because I'd definitely give you a high five.
Zombie Tom Clancy novel
You wait until the dad reading to you falls asleep and then you eat his brains.
Zombie NHL enforcer
Make a statement about the state of Canada's pastime while dressing up in your old hockey equipment.
Goth Dean Venture
If you've indulged the new Venture Bros season not only will you know what I mean, you will see that it is the perfect costume. Potential group activity, and more high fives.
The 24 hour news cycle
You just keep popping breath freshening gum while sticking the old chews under tables and chairs at the party, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing.
COUPLES
Marina Abramovic and Jay-Z
Picasso, Baby, if you're going to do this you better work it. And by it I mean very serious and perplexing facial expressions.
Ai Weiwei and a cat that can open doors
Toronto art lovers can't get enough of Chinese artist Ai Weiwei. In the documentary Never Sorry, Weiwei shares his love of cats (he has 40) and reveals one special cat who can open doors by itself. Great opportunity to dress as a cat but still look like you put thought into your costume.
Justin Bieber and his sad pet monkey
Serious S&M vibe potential here.
Not Miley and Robin Thicke
Please no one do this. Not even in drag — it's been done. Let it go.
Do you have any great ideas for Halloween costumes this year? Add your suggestions to the comment thread below.
Photos by Jesse Milns
by Aubrey Jax via blogTO
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