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Sunday, December 22, 2013

10 Toronto headlines we'd like to see in 2014

Toronto headlinesAfter a year of grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons, we're sure many Torontonians will be eager to usher in the New Year with a view to a fresh start. Here's a list of some of the things we'd love to see hit the front pages in 2014. Some might just be possible, but as for the rest, we're allowed to dream, aren't we?

Tweet your ideas using the hashtag #TO2014Headlines.

Election results are in: Ford places last

In spite of polling a tiny fraction of voter support, Rob Ford refuses to pull out of the mayoral race in a desperate bid for re-election. Throwing millions of dollars at the matter doesn't help, either, and he places dead last in the mayoral race as Torontonians eagerly line up to vote in record numbers.

The Province ponies up the cash for transit expansion

Shovels Theare finally in the ground, as Kathleen Wynne announces that it's clearly costing Ontarians more in wasted tax dollars to keep flip-flopping over Toronto's transit future. Ontario earmarks $2 billion to get the ball rolling on the Scarborough subway extension, and a further $500 million every year to keep prices down to $3 a ride.

OCB gets its own stores

Even after plenty of media expose on the Beer Store cartel, the Hudak promise of more free trade for the licensed industry doesn't appear to be any closer to happening. However, the AGCO makes some concessions, and allows Ontario Craft Brewers to open a select few stores across the province, in a WineRack-style arrangement.

AGO and ROM free to all

High ticket prices have been excluding all but the richest parts of the city from it's most prized collections for decades, but in the face of stiff competition from the fancy fish down at Ripley's, Toronto Arts Council manage to persuade an allotment from the Federal Budget that ensures European-style free access to culture for all. A donation wouldn't go amiss if you could afford it, but the days of lining up to grab the deals on cheap days are over.

RioCan's Walmart development goes belly up, art wins

The plans for a corporate invasion of Kensington Market are put on hold indefinitely as RioCan get fed up of the endless injunctions concerning their plans for 420 Bathurst. Instead, the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art moves into the former Kromer Radio space, providing a culture boost to the otherwise bereft strip between Queen and Bloor.

MLSE pack it in - Leafs go on to win Stanley Cup

Admitting a long-standing failure to understand the difference between profitability and success, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment finally decide to sell off their sports franchises, giving new owners a chance to bring some silverware to the city. A fan's consortium clubs together to purchase the Leafs, who go on to lift the Stanley Cup at the ACC. Drake immediately snaps up the Raptors wholesale, and turns every half-time show into a mini OVO Fest. Some luck in the draft sees Andrew Wiggins join the party.

UniQlo finally move in

Japanese fashion giant UniQlo take the hint that they'll make megabucks with a store North of the border, and announce plans to move into the ground floor of the planned condo space at the former home of MoCCA, near Queen and Ossington. Another store is planned at Yorkdale, to follow soon after.

Canada Post announces it was all just a joke

Explaining their earlier decision as being made during a 'drunken stupor', Canada Post apologise to the elderly and housebound, and rescind their decision to kill home delivery of mail, after it emerges that the plan of just tossing it in the Christie Pits ice rink did not meet the criteria of its feasibility study. Spokesperson Anick Losier says 'We're really sorry, but it seemed to work during the garbage strike, so why not for people's bills and stuff? I guess we'll just got back to doing the job we're paid to do'.

Mirvish Village survives

Westbank Properties, the Vancouver-based developer who recently purchased Honest Ed's, announce that they have no plans to uproot any of the businesses that comprise Mirvish Village. The team, who recently built the Shangri-La hotel, offer up a plan to convert the retail emporium into a really big Momofuku Milk Bar, with free crack pie for everyone at Thanksgiving, in place of the usual turkey giveaway.

City grants extended freedoms to food trucks in Toronto

Toronto foodies rejoice, as City Hall assigns dozens of spots around the city as 'food truck' zones, where cooks from all over North America can park their vehicles and sell delicious treats. Whilst some spots require a reservation, many simply take a phone number and ask waiting trucks to go around the corner for a drink or something until there's room.


Inter-school project uses millions of Lego bricks to replace decaying Gardiner

Citing the excellent traction properties and eye catching colour options, the TDSB announced a deal to raid the attics of thousands of schoolchildren for Lego bricks to craft a new highway route for the city, that will be airlifted into place before the aging Gardiner is blown up for a special effects shot (to be featured in the Total Recall sequel). Parents across the city rejoice, as their freedom to walk barefoot around their own houses at night is restored.

Photo by Danielle W in the blogTO Flickr pool

by Jen Hunter via blogTO

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